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A Syracuse Student's Week: An Important Outline
A Syracuse Student's Week: An Important Outline

Breaking down the chaos of the Syracuse “Workin” week!

A Letter To The Kum Editors
A Letter To The Kum Editors

Disappointed is not a sufficient word.

Infuriated is.

BREAKING: LEFTIST bureaucrats BLOCK Kumquat's 38th annual ORGY
BREAKING: LEFTIST bureaucrats BLOCK Kumquat's 38th annual ORGY

The intolerant cancel culture mob has claimed another victim at Syracuse University, and this time, it is one of our most cherished institutions.

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KumGuide: Looking For That Perfect Man With Mommy Issues? Here Are The Ten Best Ways To Find That Perfect Oedipussy
KumGuide: Looking For That Perfect Man With Mommy Issues? Here Are The Ten Best Ways To Find That Perfect Oedipussy

One dark and stormy night in a south campus apartment that smelled like soup, a man asked me if it was weird that he kind of wanted to suck on my tits. I was like, “uh, I mean, maybe it’s a little Oedipus-y,” and he responded, “what’s that?”

This experience is indicative of the epidemic of men with mommy issues and the general lack of Greek mythology knowledge on this campus. It’s tough to navigate these breastmilk waters, so I created a guide to get only the highest quality men with mommy issues onto your lap.


Check Out These Tote Bags and Other Scrotal Styles For This Fall🍁✨
Check Out These Tote Bags and Other Scrotal Styles For This Fall🍁✨


Fall is fully underway, and as the leaves change color, so should your entire personality. This includes your style; gone are the swim trunks and open-toed shoes and in is everything remotely resembling a ballsack. That’s right, scrotal style is in for this fall, and we at the Kumquat know all the best gonad garments and accessories. So don’t drop the ball before your balls drop; here are the Kumquat recommendations for the best scrotum-centric stylings for this Fall.


How To Maximize Alone Time In Your Communal Spaces While All Of Your Roommates Are Having Sex On Valentines Day

So you’re alone on V-day. Today is either meaningless or deeply, crushingly personally offensive to you, but don’t fret! You may not experience the joys of love and intimacy but you can maximize your alone time in shared spaces around the ol’ apartment for productivity and dominance over these living spaces while your roommates are off having sex, unlike you.

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Tag yourself!! I’m George Santos . . . . . #hags #summer #syracusebound #syracuseu #cuse #georgesantos #knicks #dontedivincenzo #nyknicks #cute #sale #satisfying #satire
HEARTWARMING
To our SU Abroad audience: 44mph = 71kmh
Use code “kumquat” for a free $25 bet when you sign up for an account with DraftKings . . . . . #syracuse #falk #sports #cfb #sportsbetting #parlay #draftkings #freemoney #signupcode #promocode #fanduel #draftkingssportsbook
Congratulations footballers, way to go!! . . . . . #syracuse #syracuseathletics #football #cfb #fb #explorepage #satire #syracuseuniversity #cuse #cuseathletics
What-a is he-a gonna do!? . . . . . . #syracuse #syracuseuniversity #italy #florence #syracuseitaly #cuse #cuseathletics #taylorswift #commencement #college #graduation #collegelife #satire
Comment below if you’ve seen combat in the idgaf war ⬇️⬇️
Comment if you know what "south campus" is ⬇️⬇️
It ain’t easy being orange! . . . . . #environment #gasguzzler #dickclark #satire #syracuse #syracuseuniversity

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