Ah, the life and times of a Syracuse University student! Where the days of the week seem to blend into the cold dark abyss we call winter. So, let's break down the chaos of the Syracuse “Workin” week!
Monday!
Mondays. After a weekend that left you questioning your life choices, you wake up for classes on Monday with lackluster determination. But hold on, tomorrow is—wait can it possibly be?! Two Dollar Tuesday! Who can resist those college-budget friendly deals?
I know I can resist though! My headache’s already bad enough…
Two Dollar Tuesdays
Ah! Tuesdays, a shining beacon of hope amongst the deep, deep, dark abyss of college life. You awaken a newfound person with a bit more determination and sparkle. Not because you’re suddenly a morning person, but because your poor wallet might get a break.
Wasted Wednesday
This is when the so-called “midweek crisis” finally hits. You've made it halfway, and there's only one way to celebrate… by embracing Wasted Wednesday! It's like Hump Day, but with a twist (or a shot, one could say…get it…shot haha…Jesus where’s my vodka cran?! ). The library might beckon your name, but so does the wonderfully enticing allure of questionable decision-making! Look at you go!
Your parents must be so proud of the young, “responsible,” adult you are. I know mine aren't!
Thirsty Thursday
By now, you're absolutely wrecked! You must be exuberantly exhausted, oh so perfectly parched! Diabolical deluge of day drinking during Wednesday’s shenanigans is NOT for the weak. Should we call it Wreaked Wednesday instead of Wasted Wednesday?? Anyways, fear not! Thirsty Thursday is the day to quench your dehydrated soul, or distract you from the voices. Did you hear that? Neither did I! GET OUT OF MY HEAD. GET OUT OF MY HEAD. GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
Faded Friday
Reality check time! After a week of questionable choices, it's time to embrace Faded Friday… where you take it a bit easier this time…maybe? You pledge to take it a bit easier on your liver... until next Thirsty Thursday at least.
Slurp it Saturday
You wake up feeling surprisingly rejuvenated and better about your morals due to Faded Friday. Congratulations! You've earned the right to slurp it up… but very slowly of course.
Sip it Sunday
As your chaotic (and questionable) week winds down, you eloquently ease into Sip it Sunday with grace and beauty. It's time for a mellow day of recovery, reflective sipping, and preparation. You consider journaling cheesy thoughts in your notebook margins, or playing native bird calls for everyone in your residence hall to hear. You might be taking it easy, but I’m already preparing for next week's two dollar tuesday!
So here you have it, Syracuties: the ultimate important outline. From Two Dollar Tuesdays to Sip it Sundays, you must always distract the voices. YOU MUST, Or the shadow figures in your peripheral vision at night just might get you, and they just might eat your little toesies!!!! but you didn’t hear that from me. Cheers to another week of unforgettable adventures (or forgettable as you probably won’t even remember your night… at all! Mazel tov).
Many Smooches,
A Kumquat Writer