culture — Campus — The Kumquat

Freshman year can be scary; I think I know better than anyone. Leaving my adorable little 10-bedroom house for a whole other part of New York might have been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Sharing a bedroom AND a bathroom? I could barely even imagine it. I only knew roughly 12 other people from my social circle coming to Syracuse, and only 9 of us vacationed together in the Hamptons last summer. I felt pretty isolated. I was worried I wouldn’t make the kind of friends I’d always imagined having in college, the kind that end up in ImSchmacked videos. Guys who thought an obscure ‘80s basketball jersey was the same as having a personality. Girls who held each other’s hair back. Guys who knew almost all the words to “Gods Plan.” Girls who looked enough like twins to make it worthy of an Instagram caption. Guys who daged.

That’s when I knew the DJ’s Black VIP Card was right for me.

I mean, EVERYONE goes to DJ’s. And when I say everyone, I don’t mean mostly everyone. I mean EVERYONE. It’s the SPOT. When I watched their ad on Facebook months before enrolling, it was clear to me this wasn’t any old basement bar that smelled like Red Bull, Feet and mango Juul pods. This bar would also accept my shitty Pennsylvania fake with my name spelled wrong. When I realized all this, I didn’t even worry about the $800 fee. I immediately told my mother this card was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY and also that if she didn’t buy it for me I would drive her BMW into the Hudson river, and guess what? She agreed.

How would I describe my customer experience with the DJ’s Black card? It’s a NEED. With my black card, I’m always a part of the “in crowd”: the name I like to use for the crowd of people waving their VIP cards at haggard bouncers shouting about getting in. With my Black card, if I complain loud enough that I have it, I’m always the first one in. Plus, I can get a spiked seltzer for just $3, and a regular seltzer for $4!

And best of all, I’ve found my friends for life in the group of other freshman who decided to buy a VIP card. You know, the guys who make their Tinder profile pic them holding a red bull vodka pitcher. The guys who tell you they’re a legacy in DKE. The guys with an Astroworld T-shirts. Really just a lot of guys.

Well, thanks to my card, that legacy in DKE gave me a hickey during Mo Bamba. What will your DJs VIP car to for you?

Xoxo,

Jessica Rubenstein

Syracuse University Class of 2022

Marcus Montgomery was getting on the bus to his apartment while overhearing two girls checking the receipt of the scones they just bought, as if they were going to return them or something. After spending all day in support of the Black Lives Matter movement on campus, the 20-year old freelance photographer had to put headphones on to cancel out the white nonsense. Little did he know that in just a few hours, his latest photo would become a global phenomenon.

“It all just happened so fast really. I’ve been doing this for a while, but nothing like this has ever happened,” he says. Montgomery has been an independent journalist for quite some time now, having been at the forefront of white culture since the beginning of his career. Included among his many acclaimed reports are his articles on “The Cultural Significance of All-Star by Smash Mouth,” “The Importance of a Finsta in the Darty Era ” and his revered two-hour documentary on Doug Bradley, the bro who chugged an entire keg in 10 minutes. But nothing could have prepared him for this profound moment in his distinguished career.

While hanging with his friend Josh Chris around midnight, Montgomery witnessed an unprecedented moment in time. With only a silent whistle and the click of his heels, Josh summoned his friends Dale and Jessie. Josh and his friends were coming in from a night out in the three whitest regions of Syracuse University, respectively: DJ’S, Sig Ep, and Marathon. In an instant Montgomery realized the three of them were wearing flannels, khaki shorts, white socks, and vans, and he knew he needed to capture the scene on camera. Afterwards, he interviewed all three of the guys, with each of having the same response of “I’m in a frat but I don’t like to flaunt it.”

Since the release of the photo, Montgomery has received numerous accolades, including a Nobel Peace Price in Whiteography, a chair in the Board of Directors of the BET Awards, and a VIP ticket to any Beyoncé concert for the rest of his life. “Who knew my peak of black success would be a picture of three white dudes deciding if Calios is the move."