It is a day you will never forget. One filled with nerves, surprise, and, ultimately, a whole lot of joy and excitement for a future of possibilities. Yes, it is the first time you use a bidet. Or it’s that very special day you receive a Bid from a sorority and run to their lawn to be united with your sisters and future bridesmaids! Either way it’s the first day of the rest of your life. Here are the ways Bid Day and bidets are more alike than you think.
1. No Wasteful Toilet Paper
After taking an 100 level Geography class, I hate being wasteful about anything. Bidets leave you fresh and clean with no needed assistance from toilet paper. And, thankfully, most fraternities and sororities have given up the tradition of wrapping your face in toilet paper and drawing penises on them.
2. There’s A Whole Lotta Screamin’!
I won’t give away any Bid Day secrets, but if you want to join any of the groovy frats or sorors, be prepared to bust a lung. However, I will tell you the story of the first time I used a bidet. I pooped, hit the button, and screamed as a desire awakened in me that I never knew was there.
3. Typically White
Most porcelain toilets are made white so the person using it after you has visual proof that you haven’t eaten a vegetable in a week. Bidets are the same, just with a video-recording water sprayer hiding at the bottom. Looking into the sea of your new sisters – or brothers – is kinda reminiscent of staring at the blinding porcelain of a bidet. So very white!
4. Syracuse Weather Makes It A Strictly Indoors Experience
There’s nothing like dropping a deuce in the great outdoors and spraying a water gun up in your asshole. There’s also nothing like receiving your bid (or learning you’ve gotten rejected from every single house) while in the public eye. Snow ruins everything.
5. Either Way, Your Butthole Is Getting Wet
This is the essence of both Bid Day and bidets: the sensation of water jetting between your outstretched cheeks then learning whether or not you’ll have friends for the next few years. On second thought, toilet paper might be necessary.
