Before Decision Day TOMORROW we kind souls at the Kumquat wanted to give you some last minute considerations before you kummit to this sorry excuse for a school wonderful establishment.
Here are some highlights from Syracuse this semester as told by our hilarious headlines:
Our wonderful infrastructure
“Ok, and?” - Barnes Management When Informed Half Of Their Lockers Don’t Work (4-9-23)
Kumshot: Syracuse Health And Safety Doing Asbestos They Can To Remove Hazardous Materials From The Physics Building (2-14-23)
Our life-saving resources
Kumfession: I Borrowed (Stole) A Laptop Charger From Bird And Now I Owe Them 1000 Dollars #Real (4-7-23)
After Criticism For Removing Warehouse Trolley, SU Promises To Give Stranded Students A Free Wilson Volleyball (2-11-23)
Our sexy student body
Ruh Roh! This Guy In Your Poli Sci Class Has A Cowboy Hat AND A Ponytail (4-3-23)
New Study Finds That Eight Out Of Five Student Musicians Is Certifiably Obnoxious (3-28-23)
White Feminist Silent During February Posts “It’s Women’s History Month” On 12:01 AM, March 1st (3-8-23)
Our silly incidents
DPS Investigating Anti-White Slur “No Purpose Flour” Written In Watson Hall With Atypical Determination And Rigor Compared To Other Racist Incidents (4-2-23)
“We Found Himalayan On The Stairs!” Melting Snow Reveals Frozen Body Of Freshman On The Steps Of The Mount (2-15-23)
10 Car Accidents And 15 Fatalities: Lord Of The Flies-esque Makeshift Governance At The Broken Stoplight Outside Ernie Surprisingly Doesn’t Work (2-11-23)
Hopefully that gives you all the information you need to make the right decision and CHOOSE CUSE!!! (Also apply to the Kumquat when you kum on campus)