Freshman With Guitar Still Thinks He Is The Only One

After nearly two semesters in college, freshman Reid Baker still believes he is the only student at Syracuse University who owns a guitar.

Researchers are unsure how Baker has managed to remain so oblivious to the high guitar-to-white male student ratio—roughly 1:3—and Baker’s peers are appalled that he still walks around, guitar in hand, expectantly waiting for one of them to ask, “Oh, do you play?”

“Last September I guess it was, like, kind of respectable that he had a guitar,” says Leslie Rubin, Baker’s floormate in Shaw Hall. “But by October it was kind of obnoxious and now…it’s just sad, really.”

It’s not uncommon for students who frequent the third floor of Shaw to hear Baker playing some of his favorite songs, including “Crash Into Me,” “Blackbird,” and the first half of “Wish You Were Here.”

These are also the only songs Baker knows how to play.

“His walls are covered in Bob Marley and Jimi Hendrix posters, and he can’t even play any of their songs,” Rubin said.

The student body will be relieved to know that Baker has plans to live on South Campus for the 2014-2015 school year.