It feels like just yesterday the Kumquat made the honorable and popular decision to exhume the rotted corpse of American TV icon Lucille Ball, but that was four months ago. The reveal of her spiffy, albeit waxy, taxidermy display was a day of great celebration, even if the building had to be evacuated for dangerous levels of formaldehyde vapor and the unbearable stench of Lucille’s liquified organs. Now, it seems like the Kumquat will be facing some legal repercussions for “stealing” the body of the beloved comedian and “desecrating” her remains.
Ball’s children, Desi and Lucie, have come forward with a lawsuit against the Kumquat for 40 million dollars.
“We are beyond disgusted with what the Kumquat has done to our mother’s resting body, even if their content is hilarious, especially on their twitter, @sukumquat” said the Ball siblings in their official statement. “They stole our precious mother’s body from us and even though the final display was actually quite impressive and represented her iconic career beautifully, we can never forgive the Kumquat from robbing her grave and interrupting her eternal rest.”
When asked about their “reprehensible” and “inhumane” actions, representatives from the Kumquat just shrugged with a blank look in their eyes.
“Just kinda… felt like it I guess. I love Lucy” they replied. We could not get any further comments.
No matter their previous motivations, the Kumquat is ready for a fierce legal battle. “We hired Maxwell’s finest to defend us in court. It is our right to have Ms. Ball’s cadaver because we are a comedy group and she was a comedian. Also, we cite the ancient law of Finders-Keepers. We firmly believe that Lucille would have wanted to entertain the masses beyond the grave. A dusty old gravestone does not cut it for our funny queen.”
We look forward to keeping the Syracuse community informed in this dramatic battle that will set many judicial precedents for years to come.
