You got Kevin!
You and Kevin have a lot in common, but there is one particular reason that you are Kevin. If not for that reason, we probably would have given you Stanley or maybe Meredith. Hell, Oscar was a close 4th. But there is that one reason which makes you Kevin. Do not fight us on this. You got what you deserve. We chose not to tell everyone the reason and you are welcome. It does not matter if you think you are a Pam or Jim or Bob Vance from Vance Refrigeration. It does not matter if you have never seen The Office. Guess what? You are Kevin. You can accept it, or you can deny it. Still, you are Kevin. You have always been Kevin. You will always be Kevin. Get used to it, Kevin.