Open Letter From The Guy Who Set Off The Fire Alarm
To my fellow residents of Lawrinson Hall:
As a wise man once said, “We didn’t start the fire. It was always burning, since the world’s been turning.”
I would like you to keep that in mind, my dearest dorm-mates, as I relay to you the following information. You see, I, Johnny Gibson, set off the fire alarm in Lawrinson Hall. It was me, and I take full responsibility.
But, it would not only be an incorrect statement, but a statement of lunacy, to liken a fire alarm to merely a collection of sirens and flashing lights. No, a fire alarm is so much more. It’s a wake up call — a symbol of the socioeconomic and racial troubles the youth of America face today.
Now, you may be thinking: Who is Johnny, a white male born into an upper-middle class family who attends a private university, to tell me about the racial and socioeconomic struggles of our youth? And what does this has to do with being woken up at 2 a.m. on a Sunday to the blaring sounds of alarms? Well, let’s think about it logistically. I am a white male born into an upper-middle class family who attends a private university. This is not the first decision I will make for you, nor is it the last.
It’s all about perspective. Sure, you’re climbing down 16 flights of stairs to stand in 35 degree weather, but think of the young people in the world who have no such opportunity. Before you start bitching about your 8 a.m. or saying things like, “Who the fuck set off the fire alarm again?” “How much of an idiot do you have to be to burn popcorn?” and “I hope the person who set off the fire alarm suffocates in a bag of burnt popcorn,” think about all the kids who have less than you. Or think about kids like me, who want nothing more than to have a simple date with Orville Redenbacher. Sure, I have 19-meal dining hall plan, but I’m a growing boy. I needed popcorn.
And dammit, if that popcorn was not delicious.
Next year, when we have all moved on from Lawrinson Hall, there will be another Johnny Gibson. Sure, it won’t be me, but there will be another young man with a dream, a bag of popcorn and the chutzpah to pop it. Show some respect.
Sincerely,
Jonny Gibson ’18
Dual Major Policy Studies/Entrepreneurship
President of the Men’s Rights Activist Society
